FMP Character Development 2

My friend who has been helping me write throughout this project Peter Marflitt has recently written me some character descriptions based on what I had given him as guidelines of what I wanted. I gave him a rough outline of the character I wanted based on some of these sketches I have done which were based on even rougher ideas of what I wanted earlier in the project. I told him I wanted a description of a strong male character who is not from the area the story is based which means he needed to stand out and look out of place in a poorish land of farmers and small towns. The text which follows is a short story of a selection of stories I have chosen as the one I want to move forward with.

Raging fire lit the whole valley, he could see the shadows dancing through the forest below with gleeful abandon. His breath came hard and fast, ragged, like an animal's. He broke into a run. Pushing harder he reached full tilt, his muscled arms pumping furiously. He couldn't hear the blood rushing in his ears; he felt neither the pain in his feet or the stabbing in his lungs as he forced himself onward. He ducked between boughs and leapt over roots.

He skidded to a halt at the bank of the river and cast about for the bridge - it was a shattered mess. The nearest ford was ten miles upstream; without a second thought, he wrenched at his leather breastplate and tossed it aside, following it with his thick leather spaulders. 

With his mighty chest bared, he dove into the ice cold of the river and tore wildly at the water, pushing himself onward. At the opposite bank, he scrabbled in the mud to find purchase and threw himself onto shore.

He lay panting in the mud and looked up - he could see now the whole village was alight, his own home already consumed by the inferno. Everything went black.

Based on what is written here I told him I liked the way it sounded and gave him some more rough outlines of the story of the journey which brings the main character to the bridge environment, so that he could write a very colourful storybook like narrative to back the art book and game level I am creating. The bottom left character (still in progress) is based on the feedback (above) I got and what I imagine the character could look like. With most of the assets and environment created and finished I will have full focus on making this character come to life and really try to sell the story the way I hope I can give credit to the writing element of it.